When she left, I floundered. Not for moments, minutes, days or years, but eternally! I searched for her face in a crowd, talked out loud and sat in silence hoping to hear a response, but she was gone. The silence was deafening, and my heart heard the void much louder than all of my senses. She had been my mentor, my friend, my confidante, my go-to person, my garden buddy, beach buddy, decorating buddy. She taught me how to fasten my first bra. She pushed me to stand up for my self. She loved her children and treated us equally, both emotionally and physically. She was in my corner and pointed out my errors if I was in the wrong. She could “see me” and “read me” with no effort on my part. She sat me on her knee, no matter how old I was. She wiped my tears. Listened to my fears. She taught me the responsibility of a relationship, to say sorry when I’m wrong, to never fight dirty with words and to always consider the other person’s feelings. She pushed me to do things that scared me and made me laugh at myself, even though it wasn’t easy. She exampled the ability to include people and instilled the same in me. She mirrored my heart and her presence offered all the comfort in the world. I could liken her to Lady Diana. She was intuitive and strong. She was kind to everyone and showed compassion in places that other’s may have turned the other way. She was big on forgiveness and was never too proud to extend the olive branch. I loved her so much for that, and for the example she set for my young and watchful eyes.
So when I say “I miss her;” I miss HER. I miss all that she gave me. I miss all that I shared with her. I miss being able to talk to her, and share life with her and wait in anticipation of her wise and witty advice. I miss the look of pride I used to see in her eyes when I had done well at something. I miss her hand on my arm, and the twinkle in her eye when she was up to mischief. I miss seeing and hearing her laugh with her brother Tommy, who could make her laugh like no-one else on earth. I miss her heartbeat and her tenderness. I miss her enthusiasm for change and her encouragement to try new things, her sense of adventure that was endless. I miss her fairness and integrity and her ability to balance her affection and attention to all who loved her. I miss her hugs and the smell of her perfume. I miss having her on this earth and the sense of knowing she was always out there somewhere, because she isn’t and she never will be. Sometimes, I say “I Miss You” out loud, hoping that somehow she hears. They are three simple words and yet so powerfully felt.
In her honor I would ask that if you have someone in your life you need to forgive, perhaps you might consider extending the olive branch, and see what happens. Life is too short and too precious to spend time missing someone, if forgiveness could make a difference.